The Only Reason for Living
by Roeauxlette
Summary: And so I wouldn’t ask much… Just to have her by my side, the day I’d leave this unfair world… The day I’d embrace my afterlife…". Zero/Yuuki
1. Preface :

**A/N:** This is my very first fanfic, so please be gentle with me…

Oh, and grammatical error and typo everywhere cause my English sucks…

Either way, please enjoy and don't forget to review …

**Disclaimer: **I don't own VK, though I desperately want Zero for myself…

The Only Reason for Living

: Preface :

Inner Thought

People always say that I'm gloomy…

I'm short-tempered, I'm sulky…

I'm sullen and moody…

And about all of that, I quite agree…

My personal thought?

They're right, I'm pathetic…

My life was just a sad, sick joke…

It started with shallow sappiness and fake smiles…

Everybody acted like I'm normal and nothing was wrong with me…

Every single day I'd got lies, shoved down my throat,

and I gladly, innocently accepted all of them…

Until the day I realized, the truth about me that everybody desperately tried to hide…

The truth about my condition…

When it happened…

My world shattered into sharp pieces of crashed glasses…

They tore and sunk into my flesh, causing pain and agony…

My dreams had turned to ashes and dust…

Blown far away by the wind…

I could do nothing about the fresh blood that trickled down my body,

from my deep opened wounds…

I could do nothing about so many tears that flowing down my cheeks…

All I could do is clenching my hand tightly to my chest…

And kept on struggling for dear life…

While thinking about the most important thing in my life…

Desperately keeping it in my head, as my source of sanity…

Even for me, this filthy unworthy creature…

A most important thing, a reason for living was exist…

This something— someone — is the _only _reason,

Why did I endure all he pain…

Running with all that I had to escape the death just for a second or two…

Why I wanted to live a little longer…

But still, I wouldn't go beyond the limitation…

I knew how my body had suffered enough,

just to extend my life for even just one day…

Every single day I pushed it harder…

I forced myself to be strong, but still…

I knew it wouldn't last long…

And so I wouldn't ask much…

Just to have her by my side, the day I'd leave this unfair world…

The day I'd embrace my afterlife…

**Okay!! Thank you for reading this preface and please don't forget to leave reviews..**

**I'll greatly appreciate all of them. Oh, and I'm gonna post the first chapter right away..**

**So please tell me what do you think about them… good? bad? like it? hate it? **

**Just review me.. ^^**


	2. The Disease :

**A/N:** here you go, the first chapter… typo and grammatical error everywhere because we all know my English sucks. Oh, and they are all human. And Zero and Yuuki stay at the chairman's house, in the main building instead of the dorms. Enjoy…

**Disclaimer:** Once upon a time, I own VK, but then I woke up and realized that it was just a dream… sigh…

**The Only Reason for Living**

**: Chapter 1 :**

**The Disease**

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Zero's POV

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My name is Kiriyuu Zero. I'm 16 years old. I'm a sulky, gloomy and moody person. So you better never mess up with me. This is my school, Cross Academy. And right now I was sitting in my class. I'm the adoptive son of this school's headmaster. Why was I adopted? Because my real parents were passed away. They worked too much, until their body couldn't take it anymore. And then they got terribly sick, and died. Why did they work so much night and day? Because they needed a lot of money. So they could pay for my medical treatment.

Yeah, I was sick. That's why I needed medical treatment. Apparently, something was wrong with my heart since the day I was born. It could suddenly work faster, beating painfully, or simply stopped for a few seconds if I was lucky, or a few minutes if I wasn't lucky. And that would mean that I'm dead.

I knew this fact when I was just twelve. When my parents dead. When I was young—very young, only 5 or 6 year old— they only said that I needed to go to the hospital frequently just so I'd grow up healthy and strong. And I simply believed them. I thought it was normal for children to go to the doctor quite frequently.

I was a little gloomy when I was just a little boy. Because I rarely met my parents—they were always working so hard, remember? But after I knew about the truth, about this disease of mine, I became a really gloomy boy. I didn't like to be surrounded by the others. What's the point? I would be leaving soon anyway…

I'd never really feel sorry about myself anyway, so I really hated it when people looked at me with pity in their eyes.

Hell, I didn't need their sympathies!

'_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!'_

The school bell stopped my trail of thought. This was the end of my 7th from 8 periods of the day — time to move to the other class. I grabbed all my papers — crunched some of them in the process — and books on my desk, and shoved them into my bag carelessly.

"Zero, you shouldn't do that you know… what a mess…"

I heard a very familiar voice came from behind me. I spun around and raised one of my knitted eyebrows. There, in front of me, stood Yuuki, my adoptive sister. She too, was adopted by my step-father —the chairman of the school — though I didn't know why.

She was the most important person in my life. My only reason for living —well honestly, there were others too like my step-father who is very kind and nice despite of his annoying attitude sometimes, but she was the major one, the one that important. —The only motivation for me to fight my disease desperately. My only source of sanity.

"Zero?" she cocked her head to the right. Stared at me with confusion in her round chocolate eyes.

"Yeah, yeah… let's get outta here…" I grabbed her tiny hand and walked outside the class. While we were walking to our next class, she suddenly stopped dead. I turned my head to her in confusion.

"What's wrong Yuuki?" A little bit of annoyance laced my words.

"No. what's wrong _Zero_?" She eyed me suspiciously.

The question that had been thrown back at me made my brows knitted together. "I'm fine…"

"No, you are not! Your hand is cold and damp with sweat Zero!" she moved her weight side to side impatiently. Anxiously.

Yuuki know about my disease, and just like our step-father, she had tendencies to over thinking about not-so-important things such as this one, for example.

"Is your chest hurt? Do you feel pain?" she grabbed both of my hands and stared to my eyes deeply. Her voice laced with worries.

"I'm okay Yuuki… my heart's still beating." I —half annoyed— take her hand and placed it on my chest, where she could feel the beating of my heart. She clenched her shaky hand—wrenching my shirt a little bit—then sighed.

"Just tell me every time you feel pain, will you?" she said — almost pleading — to me.

"Yes I will. Don't worry…" I turned back to our way and silently, both of us walked side by side to our next class.

In times like this, I always feel pain. Not physically, but emotionally. Because I had tainted Yuuki's mind with worries. Since the day we first met, she had repeatedly, witnessed me when my symptoms—or I prefer to call them 'attacks'. When I was younger, my attacks used to come quite often. The first of them happened years ago— about 2 weeks since we met each other. We were doing homework together in the family room of our house in the main building of the academy—chairman's residence — when suddenly, I had my symptoms. She watched in bewildered eyes and shock as I started to screaming and grunting in pain. My hands clutched my chest, my breath were just ragged panting. I crouched in the sofa, desperately holding myself together. Then the door burst opened, my step-father ran me to his car and drove to the nearest hospital like a crazy drunk man. That happened again and again, though became lesser and lesser as I grew older and stronger — but _not_ healthier, sadly. I'm sure they weren't pleasant memories for such a little innocent girl like her. And because she had witnessed it for so many times, I couldn't blame her for always be anxious and worried over me.

Our next class started, and the teacher babbling about something I didn't really care. Cause my heart started to throb a little bit painfully. But since in this past 2 years I hadn't had any attacks, I just ignored it. I just sat there in my table, concentrating on the unintelligible scribble the teacher made at the board in front of the class. After what seems like forever, the school bell rang—and told us that the lessons for this day are done. The school had ended. Time to go back home.

We walked to the main building—chairman and our house. I had my room in the main building instead of in the dorms, so our father could found out and help me easily and quickly every time I had my heart attacks. And Yuuki—for some reason that she never told me— prefer to had her room in the main building as well. It didn't matter for me anyway.

When we arrived at the main building. I immediately took a hot shower to relax my tense body a little bit— though the pain still wouldn't go away. After I dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, I to go to the kitchen. There I found Yuuki. Busying herself preparing dinner.

"Where's Father?" I asked her while walk to the fridge and took a bottle of mineral water. It was usually his job to prepare dinner—and after that showed them to us proudly, his 'masterpiece' that weren't tasted nice sometimes, but still we gulped them down for goodness sake.

"He's out for a meeting tonight… sit here Zero, the spaghetti's almost done…" she pointed her index at one of the dinning table's chair. Her eyes never leaving the meat and sauce that she was stirring inside the saucepan.

I walked to it. Put my half-drained bottle of water on the table, and pull the chair out so I could sit on it. But suddenly, I felt a painful stab on my chest. My breath hitched and my eyes shut in pain when the second stab came hit me. Then they kept coming again and again.

I went limp and fall on my weak knees. Collapsing the chair to the floor beside me with loud banging sound.

"ZERO!!" Yuuki was suddenly kneeling beside me. Her eyes wide and filled with fear. "Zero! Hang on! I'll call the ambulance!" her voice went an octave higher in panic. She ran to the phone and dialed the number. She spoke to the phone fast, explaining about me and then our address. Right after she finished the phone call, she threw herself back to me. Kneeling by my side, she hugged me tightly. One hand at the back of my head whiles the other rest on my back. She pressed her face to my shoulder, and I could feel warm tears sipped through my t-shirt.

"Zero, hold on! Hang on Zero!! Oh God! Zero please stay with me!! Please! I'm here Zero, everything's gonna be alright!" She cried to my shoulder. Her body shaking wildly while I could feel my own consciousness started to leave me. My eyes started to unfocused and everything was a blur for me. All I could feel was the ice-cold sharp stabs on my chest. The excruciating pain that almost made me passed out. I was still there though, thanks to Yuuki. I kept concentrating on her trembling voice, calling me again and again. Beg me not to leave her. To stay with her. But after hard and painful 5 minutes, I couldn't hold it anymore.

_I'm sorry… Yuuki… _ I thought as darkness started to creep from the edges of my view range. Then everything was black. The last thing I heard was someone screaming my name at the top of her lungs.

_I'm so sorry… Yuuki…_

_I'm sorry…_

**Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave reviews.. ^^**

**Oh, and, if something in this fic made you confused, please feel free to ask me …**

**: gentle breeze of spring :**


	3. Pain and worries :

**A/N: **first, I wanna say thank you to **hitsugaya07** for being my first reviewer, thank you very much, your review really made my day… yes, this is an AU where everybody were just humans… and I'm glad that you enjoy them as much as I do… so I want to dedicate this second chapter especially for you.. ^^

**Disclaimer:** we all know Matsuri Hino-sama owns VK…

**The Only Reason for Living**

**: Chapter 2 :**

**Pain and Worries**

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Zero's POV

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I opened my eyes slowly— they felt so heavy. And when they opened, the blinding bright light flowed into my eyes, flooding my irises. Everything that surrounded me was white— the walls, the curtains, the floor and the bed — and the room smelled of something strong like chloroform. They were enough to obviously telling me where am I. The hospital.

I sighed tiredly. White fog immediately formed on the plastic mask that was put upon my mouth and nose to help me breath. When I tried to lift my hands, I felt something weighed my right arm down. I turned my head so I could see what was it and I found Yuuki. She was sound asleep on a chair that had been pulled so it stood right at the side of my bed, with my right arm as her pillow. She looked really peaceful except for the dark purple circles under her eyes. She must be really tired, waiting for me to wake up.

I raised my left hand and caressed her cheek gently. Tucking a few strands of locks that fall to her face to the back of her ears. She stirred slowly and mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep. I felt a pang of guilty in my heart, knowing that I was the one who caused her pain and worries. Damn my stupid disease. I grabbed her tiny hand tenderly to calm myself down. But the motion woke her up.

"Zero?" she asked softly.

"Hey…" I forced my parched and dry lips to form a weak smile. To show her that I was alright.

"Oh, Zero!!" she grasped my right hand that she used as her pillow a minute ago and cupped it to the side of her face while drawing soothing circles at the back of it with her thumb. "Haven't I told you to tell me whenever your chest hurts?" she scolded me weakly.

"My bad…" I shrugged rather indifferently, "Won't happen again, I prom— "

"Zero! Take this seriously, can't you?" she cut and half-hissed to me. "Don't you know I almost fainted when you suddenly had your attacks back then?"

"Yes I know. I'm sorry! I won't cause you any trouble again…"

"It's not about that Zero! I don't care about you causing me troubles! I just can't bear it whenever I see you in pain!" tears started to trickle down her pale cheeks. Her shoulders trembling and her knuckles white from clutching my hand tightly.

I was speechless. Just like her, I didn't want to see her in pain. "I'm sorry…" was all that I could manage to come out from my lips. "I'm sorry…" I kept on whispering my apologies while trying to lift my left side so I could embrace her gently. Of course the motion made my body hurt like hell, but I didn't care. All I want to do is to sooth her trembling figure. She sobbed on my shoulder, while I patted her back gently.

After a long 5 minutes, she calmed down. "Sorry…" she mumbled to me hoarsely.

I gave her a curt nod and forced my lips to form another smile. I leaned back to the pillows that stacked behind my back. And tried to lighten the mood. "So… when will I be able to get out from here?"

"Umm, Father is talking with the doctors since half an hour ago. Maybe after he get back here he can tell us when…" she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands tiredly. And right after she said that, Chairman Cross opened the door and entered the room.

"Oh, hi, Zero… glad to see that you're awake… you've been sleeping for what seems like eternity you know…" he glided across the room to Zero's side then let out a nervous chuckle and eyed Yuuki warily. "Uhm, Yuuki… could you accompany me to the cafeteria? Besides, it looks like you need your lunch too…"

"Oh, I'm fine Dad… Sorry I can't—"

"No, Yuuki. Get your lunch…" I cut her rather sharply.

"But—"

"Yuuki, please… you need to take more care of your health…" I looked at her straight in the eyes.

"But who will look after you Zero?" she whimpered.

"I'll be just fine… don't worry…" I gave her a reassuring smile. I didn't want her to get sick from lack of sleep and food just because she worried too much about me.

She sighed in defeat then grasped chairman's arm, dragged him out from the room while shooting me a hard 'fine!-now-be-a-good-boy-and-take-a-rest!' look. I couldn't help but to let a small chuckle escaped my lips. And right after they left the room, I leaned comfortably on my pillows, and quickly dozed off.

**ooo000ooo000ooo000ooo**

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Yuuki's POV

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Down at the cafeteria, Father bought me _a lot_ of food—especially sweet ones. Cakes, chocolates, puddings and waffles for me, and a bowl of salt-noodle for himself. I sighed and bit my waffle lazily.

"Yuuki, I bring you down here not just to accompany me… I have something to tell you…" he told me seriously from across the table. We were sitting face to face on the table at the corner of the cafeteria right now.

"Wha's izzid Dhad?" my words came out jumbled because of the large chunk of waffle that I was chewing in my mouth.

"It's about… Zero…" he started hesitantly and his eyes stared at me uneasily.

I stopped chewing and put my waffle down immediately. "What's about him?"

"No Yuuki, please continue eating you food —you need it, for heaven's sake, when was the last time you eat? — well, it's… about his… disease…"

Absentmindedly, I took the waffle I dropped previously and bit another chunk half-heartedly. My eyes never leaving father's.

"You already know, that he has had this problem since he was small…"

I swallowed the waffle— that tasted like dirt now— hardly and nodded once.

"Uh… The… the doctors, they… they said, that he's reaching his limit, right now… it was a miracle though, that he could survive until now… but… uh… his heart… his heart maybe couldn't take it anymore…" father sighed and stared blankly at his bowl.

"Are you… are you trying to say, that Zero is dying right now?" my voice became higher towards the end in disbelieve. "That he will… he will _die_ in —maybe — less than a year?" I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't think about a _dead_ Zero. I _didn't want_ to imagine it—Zero lying perfectly still. His face as pale as a sheet of paper. His hands cold and lost the softness they used to held. The sight just felt so wrong. So strange and weird.

_I can't let him die… I won't let him die!_

"Yuuki… take a deep breath… take a sip of your tea, it's getting colder…" father suggested anxiously. He knew that I was going to burst— either of fear, sadness, or _anger_.

Pools of tears started to form on my eyes. "What's this? You must be kidding me… right Dad?" I let out a humorless laugh that sounds unfamiliar even in my own ears. The sound of it— so hollow, so empty and so lifeless— sent shivers down my spine.

"No, Yuuki… I've told you nothing but the truest truth…" he shook his head sadly and cast his gaze down, to his half-eaten noodle. Stirring it absentmindedly.

"Is there nothing we can do to help him?" the pools in my eyes had overflowed to streams of fresh tears, gliding down my cheeks, and dripping to the back of my clenched hands that rested upon my knees.

"Well, there is an option… And that's why I brought you down here, where we could discuss about it." Father moved his gaze back to me.

And there, in his eyes, I could see that he too was suffering. For him, Zero and I were like his own children. He loved us just like a father would love their true children. I knew that he too bore the same pain as I did. So I brushed my tears away with the back of my knuckle and look at him straight in the eyes. Tried to be as strong as him. "What's the option?" I made my voice as calm as possible, though, still it vibrated a little bit.

"The doctors told me, there is an operation that can save him… but the chance is quite small, about 15% - 20%... I won't decide for him since it's his life that we put on the line. I'll let him decide whether he'll take the operation or not…"

"If… if he doesn't take the operation, how long… how much time left for him to survive?"

"About 8 or 9 months… or if he keep struggling and fighting, it will be about a year… but more than that is impossible…"

Less than a year… I only had less than a year to spend with Zero. Somebody must be kidding me. I wouldn't let that happen. But 20% is a small number… what if Zero didn't make it? I'd surely couldn't forgive myself if Zero failed the operation which he was forced to take. I would be the one who killed him. Should we take the risk with all of its consequences? Or had him safe and sound, but just for barely a year? What should I do?

"I… I'll talk about this with Zero..." I murmur hesitantly.

Father nodded his head in agreement while my eyes shifting restlessly. I was so confused and torn in two…

_What should I do?_

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**Okay, so 2****nd**** chapter's here. Yaaaaaaay!!! It's quite hard to write though… what's with Yuuki's dilemma. I'm not an expert in English hence I found it quite difficult to express her wariness and the battle that rage in her mind right now. **

**So, If you have any questions, just ask me. And please leave some reviews just to make me smile… pleeeaaaseee? ******


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